I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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