Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
