I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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