i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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