Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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