I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
