Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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