in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
