I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
