I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
