yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
