Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
