We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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