"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
