You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
