Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
