I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
