well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
