also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
