I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
