i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
