He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So squirting runs in the family.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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