So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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