Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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