why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
