This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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