I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Mom said you looked used
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
