OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
