Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
