Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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