The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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