I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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