I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
