Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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