He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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