Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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