im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
