Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
