He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
