I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
