Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
