i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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