Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
