he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
