And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
