I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
