omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
