I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
