On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
