He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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