covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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