Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
